Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
