i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
