I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
