After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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