Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
