She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
