She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We got so high we made milksteak
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
