remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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