kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
