Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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