Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
