i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize