Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
