Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
