just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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