he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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