overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
