the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
