My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
