Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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