Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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