I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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