Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
