My room smells like vodka and shame
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
