She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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