i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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