there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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