I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
