What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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