I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
