yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
