So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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