I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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