thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
