I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
