The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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