the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
