If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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