I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
