just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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