I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
