Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
