Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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