checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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