He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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