I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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