if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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