how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Come on in and take your pants off
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