I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
