You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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