Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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