I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
