If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
