There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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