Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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