after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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