I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
