So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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