im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
