Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
