you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
