Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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