I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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