Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
