Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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