Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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