i permit you to call me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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