so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
