Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
