his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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