I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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