I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
