He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize